This time of year I love the color of all the leaves. I love when they fall on the ground and paint our streets with their color, I wish everyone just let the leaves stay on the ground.

I took to the neighbor's sidewalk today and drew some quick chalk drawings by scooting aside some of the leaves to reveal the sidewalk beneath.

Glass Walking

I had a Halloween party and my magic friend Brian brought glass to walk on for some Halloween entertainment! For his grand finale he laid down on all the broken glass and asked me to step on him. I could feel his face press into the glass as it crackled beneath.

Orb Spider I need a name for you

This picture does not do this spider justice...it is quite big and has beautiful striped legs. One day I was chasing Ruca (my dog) around the pond outside, its a game of tag that we play where I trap her behind the pond and she tries to escape. She is quick and I never can catch her. Anyways I was playing this game and I almost ran face first into this spider! Phew,I stopped just short...eww gives me the willies just thinking about it... man it would been bad for both the spider and I.

One day I noticed that the beautiful web that the spider made was in always in a different place near the pond. Through some research thanks to the Internet (what did we do before the Internet?)I have learned it is the Orb-weaver spider. They usually find their homes in gardens and such. A cool fact is that they eat their web every evening, rest an hour, and then rebuild! I thought that was pretty interesting. A lot of work for this little guy...much respect on that work ethic mister.

Still thinking of a good name for him...its got to be a strong name full of determination. Any ideas?

Tree house mural

This is our tree house mural. We hope to do more murals soon...it's so fun.

We have a blog for our mural co.

http://wallflowermurals.blogspot.com/

Richard Avedon

On Saturday John and I spent a fabulous day together. We went up to San Francisco in his car with the top down and enjoyed an unusually hot day in the city. When San Francisco is sunny it seems like the best place on earth. Everyone was out and about, and the streets bustled with art and interesting characters to stare at. Plus I got to spend an entire day with one of my favorite people!

We went to SF MOMA and saw the Richard Avedon exhibit. We were both blown away by his photographs. He did a lot of fashion photography but what resonated with me the most was the intimate portraits he took. His pictures were very simple and straight forward yet carried a rawness that made them so very real. I am not sure how he did this but you really felt as if you knew something intimate about each person he photographed...almost like when his shutter snapped it grabbed something more than light, it grabbed the soul.

A lot of portrait photography is about making the person look approachable, pretty, and perfect. His pictures however made everyone look human, flawed, and utterly beautiful in a very real way. He went beyond the smile that comes with saying "cheese" and found something pure behind the mask.

The Monarchs

John and I went to Natural Bridges to see the Monarch butterflies this past year. We missed the heat of the season by a hair but I still managed to get a few awesome shots of these beautiful creatures. I'd like to make a painting with these pictures as an inspiration.

Oh Ruca, my muse

Yes my dog is a chihuahua, and I love her to bits. I never thought I would have anything in common with Paris Hilton but alas this cute little creature has brought us together. I have never been a small dog person until Ruca came wobbling into my life at 5 weeks old, but I truly adore her. She is so loyal, and loves me no matter what. She doesn't care what I wear, or if I am rich or poor, smelly or not, it doesn't matter she still goes crazy with excitement when I come home. Dog's don't hide behind anything they just are what they are...I wish people were more like that.

I was driving up to a winery with John when Ruca fell asleep on my lap. I put my big shades on her and she just kept on sleeping. I thought it made her look quite fashionable, and I liked the contrast with my striped leggings.

Self Portraits

These are self portraits that I took. I like the eerie sexual undertone that they hold. I like the idea of the camera strangling me, asphyxiation by the narcissistic tool of a camera. A commentary on our cultures sickness with self absorption, voyeurism and avoiding death by freezing time.

Hot tub turns magical

My housemate just bought a rad hot tub...I mean rad, it looks like a spaceship with all its buttons, lights and other gadgets that are attached. I was sitting in the bubbles one day and I loved the mystic, swamp like nature the water took on. I decided to put my old bridesmaid dress on and make my housemate take some pictures of me emerging from the mysterious water. I photoshoped out the background and heightened the contrast to add to the drama. The two images below were my favorites of this impromptu shoot.

Mural Mural on the Wall

This is Eileen and I's sample arch, showcasing all materials we can do to make an arch!Coming along nicely if I don't say so myself. Another day of work and it should be done.

If anyone wants a mural let me know!

kandinsky's dog running after a red ball

When I was studying for my contemporary art final I had made heaps and heaps of flash cards. While studying I was drinking some water and I accidentally spilt water on a card with De Kooning's The Attic on it. To my surprise the water seemed to melt and distort the ink on my flash card to make an awesome design all of its own within the original master piece. An idea popped into my head! Make a series based on chance through water markings on prints of famous masterpieces. More specifically abstract expressionism or surrealist works who's work themselves was often predicated on chance and automatism. Through this series a commentary is also made on reproduction in society and through reproduction distortion occurs.

This piece is taken from Kandinsky's Composition 8. I spilt water on a print and put it in the sun to dry. When I looked at it a few hours later I noticed the water made a dog! So there it was and now here it is.

THE CATS

So my boyfriend has two cats, a tabby cat and a black cat. He has wanted me to paint him something for awhile now and this is what he wanted. More specifically he wants a triptych of his two cats wrapping their tails around a wine bottle. The wine bottle is to bring the "bachelor" element into the piece, ya know so his place doesn't look completely gay with two huge portraits of his own cats on the wall. I am not a huge cat fan, nor am I a big fan of painting realistically because it is hard, often boring, and gets me frustrated BUT out of love I am trying. I do think it will be rather comical when all is said and done.

Here is the progress so far, got a ways to go, a test in patience...

a heart with knife scratches around it

heart with a scratch

Begining of guitar series

"The reoccurring theme in my work is the conflict between observed biological facts and certain metaphysical models of paradise, or the reality of death and concept of immortality. Herein lies the source of the drive and scuffle of the pursuit of my imagination. This transformation in symbolism, though lacking any labor saving virtues, accommodates the search for a surface upon which to place flesh and blood, providing a lever against existential fears. Besides drawing has become a habit." Lee Baxter Davis

LIPS

I started this piece a long while ago and finished it a few months ago. It's funny how ideas you thought of years ago come back to you, this is one reason to always write down your ideas. What I wanted to do with the lips was to visually depict mis-communication. You begin with an intact pair of lips, just as you begin with a clear idea in your head that you want to send to another person. As the information comes off your lips distortions occurs. Through time, space, and through the structures of the other person's brain your initial idea changes. Sometimes this distortion causes a fight, sometimes sadness, and sometimes a false sense of security and hope. When you are listening to another the information you receive is like a fragmented warped version of the original copy, and you have to do your best to piece it together.

After taking pictures of the coffee, I took a few pictures of my personal obsession...my dog Ruca. I think they are funny because they really do seem to glorify her to a ridiculous level...which is what I do in real life. The one where she is licking the mirror is fun because it looks like she is kissing herself, or eating herself if you have a morbid mind. I never thought I would be the crazy chihuahua lady, but I am, I am no longer in denial. Oh Ruca, hee hee. That dog makes me very happy, and I love that furry little ball of energy.

Starbucks love

These are the first pictures of what will hopefully become a series about contemporary obsessions in today's society. Starbucks has become synonymous with coffee, almost overtaking the name itself, like Kleenex is to Tissue paper. The world has gone mad for Starbucks and I am definitely part of the craziness (slightly ashamed to say). I find myself wanting one every morning, I yearn for the warm soy vanilla latte that they make so well. I want to feel the coffee on my lips and I want to savor every drop. I know I am not alone on this because in every town in every city there on almost every corner, is a Starbucks.

So for these photos I take the obsession to an extreme level where the desire is blatantly apparent through my numerous kisses and desperate writing of, "Please never leave me." The dependence is clear.

Bird poo, to sun in the city.

Well I took a picture of the bird poo on my car (seen at bottom) because I liked the design... it reminded me of the sun and its rays of light. I used a picture I took of New York and made the poo the shinning sun gracing its light upon the soaring skyscrapers. Ironically New York is a city full of bird poo.

Swamp Lady doodle,

to Swamp Lady Painting.

Mother and Child.

Grandma and her Smile

I have been working on this project for way way to long. After my Grandma passed away last year she left behind a fabulous photo album filled with old photos dating as far back as 1910. I have been very very slowly scanning them into my computer to hopefully put together a book. This is one page that I have created. This blog entry is making me want to work on it again. The scanning process is so boring though.

I love looking at these pictures because they take me back to a time when I was not even close to existing, to a time when I get to see the old woman I loved so much as a young vibrant woman. I also just adore the style of the 30's. They feel like apple pie to me, warm, classic, and beautiful. A time when romance was alive, when people actually talked to one another, and men actually opened doors for you.

Photography is so awesome in this way. Freezing time forever. I imagine a time when these pictures were new to my Grandma. I imagine her excitement as she picked them up from the photo lab and showed them to her friends. They probably laughed over the stories the pictures represented and started planing another trip for next summer. Then maybe my Grandma put these pictures away for awhile and forgot about them. Then in her mid 60's, after life had carved some lines of time into her skin she dusted them off again. Now I imagine she looked at these pictures with a nostalgic remembrance of youth and adventure. Maybe she looked at these pictures and wondered where these friends were now, if they had kids of their own, and if they still looked the same. Then she probably looked at these pictures again at the very end of her life, at 99, and realized she has breathed more breaths than all of these figures in the pictures with her. That these pictures represent bodies that were now ghosts. I imagine her closing her eyes and going back to these moments, on a boat to Bermuda with her friends in 1935 when her skin was like porcelain and her body didn't ache...and smiling.

Now I look at these pictures and I remember a woman who took life as it came with unbelievable grace. She accepted hardships, reveled in the beauty, and smiled all the way through the whole thing. She was the happiest person I have ever met, even to the end when she had every reason not to be. I am glad she took these pictures, they make me remember the right way to live.

I wonder where all the pictures that we take today will end up? Will our grandchildren look at all them with wonderment of the past? Will I pick them up years from now and remember what it was like to be 29 and happy.

I appreciate you

I feel thankful to have met someone who makes me see beauty in things again, and makes me feel alive. I appreciate you.

This bird crashed into my window and died on my deck. When I heard the loud thud I went outside to find this tiny body on his back with just a little life left in him. I saw him struggling and then he just gave up, there was no movement, just silence. I felt a sense of sadness as I witnessed the end of this little life. The day was warm and dreary. My deck was a deeper red than usual due to the water it had absorbed from the dense air that day. To me the wood seemed to take into its porous grain both the water from the sky and the breath from this bird; the wood seemed alive like it had a heart beat of its own while the bird lay still. I couldn't help but think a beautiful way to end things. Death is always avoided, and is thought to be the dark side of life, gruesome and ugly, but this bird left the world in style. As a witness of this transition from life to death I took a picture to capture what I can not describe in words. This is my homage to a bird, to life, loss and beauty.

ideas not to forget...goal to finish this summer

Ideas not to forget:

Photograpghy: series of contemporary obsessions. Starbucks coffee with tons of kissss. Where one writes what coffee you want you write "Please never leave me" T.V. involving reflecion...coment on reality T.V and our connection with it. Cell phones, internet...etc.

Painting: remember my water accident off my flash cards, try that see what can happen

Painting: from doodle of mother coming out of water

Painting: from doodle of figure with guitar

Photo/Painting- flowers composit to hide the fact they are flowers. Don't want to have one notice that they are pretty flowers, but rather the design you see when you look really really really close at them

Painting- take the design of the bird poop on my car and work off that. It is kinda a cool design.

Doodles to Paintings

So now that I am back in school, I am remembering the copious amounts of doodling that I do during my note taking process. I am sure this is a testiment to some sort of attention imparement but I rather like my doodles, so I will keep the ADD if thats what keeps em coming.

Here are two of my doodles that have come to full fruition as proper paintings. I have one more to do in this series, I will post that later.

Charachters in my daily routine

Do you ever have those days that seem different than others...almost surreal? Where you feel like you are inside the eye of a tornado, just sitting in silence, looking at the swirling chaos going around you?

Today that feeling was extra strong. Maybe it was because I go through the same motions all the time and eventually they come to feel automatic. I know what time to wake up every morning and what time I need to leave the house... exactly 8:02. I know my toothpaste will have the same minty flavor, my shower will slightly leak onto the floor and my dog will lick the drops of water off my leg when I get out. I know that the same voice will be on the radio when I turn my car on and that I will make the same right turns, take the same freeway exit and will use the same alarm code to get into the office. Sometimes I just want something to happen, even if its bad, to break up the monotony. I can honestly understand how Harold Ramis came up with the movie, Groundhogs Day.

Within my routine there have also entered other human beings. Like extras in a movie they stand there like cardboard cutouts with a heartbeat. Today when i went to Starbucks, which I go to about twice a week, I had an eerie feeling of being on repeat. There in the corner was the same bunch of old men who rhythmically seem to laugh on cue, then the same motorcycle cop came in with his knee high boots, waxy skin, and permanent smile to show his unnaturally white teeth. The same Starbuck's worker was standing there behind the same vitrine filled with the same pastries looking like a giant floating head full of Starbucks cheer. She is an older woman of my mothers age with a genuine smile that always makes me feel happy when talking to her. I wonder if her life has made her perfect this cheery facade, or if her smile is in fact real? I wonder why she is working here at her age? Did she have a hard life? Was she dependent on man for most of it and is now on her own with no skills other than motherhood under her belt? Or is she just bored and wanted a job where she could spread her abundance of cheer? I also wonder about the old laughing men in the corner, what is their story? Are they old friends from the past, are they a support group for widowed men, or are they a group of old homosexual swingers? What about that cop, he seems so vain in his appearance, what does he do when he is not working...does he love his boots so much that he keeps them on during sex, does he use Vaseline on his face every night to avoid wrinkles? Who are these extras that appear in my life over and over again?

I want to know their routines, and I want to know what their secrets are. What story have they written for themselves to bring them to this Starbucks where for a moment in history our lives all collide together.

For now, my imagination is all I have.

Yesterday we watched a video in class about the abstract expressionist, Joan Mitchell. The documentary was very moving, and I found myself inspired by the way she used paint to express emotion. She absolved herself from form and created pieces that seemed to ooze raw emotion from her thick expressive use of line and color.I made this piece with her as my inspiration.

Why is Edna Ferber on a Stamp

Everyday at work I mail out these big envelopes that need the 83cent stamp. One day I took note of the homely woman on them and I wanted to know what she did to get on a stamp...I mean you got to be pretty special to get your mug on a stamp right, especially the 83 cent stamp! Turns out the lady depicted on the stamp is Edna Ferber, a novelist born in 1885. She was one of the great novelist of her time, even though she was a woman. She never married, had kids, and has no real record of any lovers. She is quoted saying the following, "Being an old maid was a great deal like death by drowning -- a really delightful sensation when you ceased struggling." I liked this quote.

weddings

When you reach your mid 20's you enter the mad house of the crazy wedding phenomenon. Your mail box floods with elaborate invitations, and your closet begins to fill with beautiful bridesmaid dresses never to see the light of day again. Everyone complains that bridesmaid dresses are hideous but I rather like mine, they are pretty and fun to wear. I think someday i will just go grocery shopping in one of them to get a second use out of it.

Someday I would love to be married to the right guy, but I don't feel like it would be the death of me if I never did. I would rather not marry than say yes to the guy who for all intensive purposes, "will do the job good enough." I am learning that there is this silent deadline (especially for women) to get married by 30. If you pass this age then you are no longer the free single beauty, you are this old insane woman who must have something wrong with her to not be married by now. An invisible but definite line is drawn.

There are few people I know that I think really married for the right reason. Most of them seem to be out of convenience, security, and comfort...although nobody will ever admit that till maybe later when they are divorced. I really don't want those to be my reasons. "The one" is supplemented with "the one right now" because that dreaded invisible line is coming near and the time to act is now. I don't get it. I don't get this deadline and I don't get the fantasy of a big elaborate wedding. I never dreamed of a grand wedding and have never envisioned myself in a wedding dress...all that seems secondary to finding a love that is real.

The idea of marriage is beautiful to me but the process and pressure behind it makes me want to elope. Just like this picture a traditional wedding seems rather void and deflated of the true meaning of love. If people weren't so scared of being alone or losers I wonder if I'd be going to as many weddings?

I went to the Guggenheim in New York and there were all these sayings scattered on the interior walls of the building (and i think i was not supposed to take these pictures...but i am a rebel)I found these sayings odd and intriguing.

This particular saying reminds me of a teacher I had in college who always said, " nobody will remember someone who is mediocre, they will remember the best and the worst...I encourage you to fail". He wanted to show us that by holding back in your art and in life you will be forgettable. Make yourself go as far and as hard as you can. If you push the limit and fail its okay, failing is better than stopping in the middle and being safe.

I'd like to say I live by this motto but it is a lot easier to say than do. The truth is it's easy to be content in the middle. Nobody notices you and you can get by under the radar...its a good hiding place. I guess for me this way of life is something to keep striving for and to remember when feeling complacent...after all the most famous works of art were once laughed at by the mainstream...but they kept on making it anyways.